I'm All About the Free Stuff

I used to always order stuff from the back of comic books when I was a kid and I loved getting those books that told you ways to get free stuff. I loved getting the mail and I loved when there was something with my name on it in the mail. It was always junk that you would get, but it was fun getting anything. I got brochures and posters and lots of free samples of dog food and shampoo.

Now, you don't need a book to tell yo how to get free junk. There is the Internet. Just type in free whatever into Google and there you go. For instance, today I typed in "free t-shirt" and found http://petrix.com/shirt/. Apparently, they give away shirts with logos they goofed up. You just give them your name and address, and in a few short weeks, they send you a free shirt in the mail -- with free shipping. You can't beat that. It will be something I can wear to the gym. I love the Internet!

How to Win the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

A champion reveals the recipe for victory. By Patrick House -- Slate magazine --Updated Monday, June 2, 2008, at 5:02 PM ET

Today I can finally update my résumé to include "Writer, The New Yorker." Yes, I won The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest, and I'm going to tell you how I did it. These observations have been culled from months of research and are guaranteed to help you win, too. (Note from Slate's lawyers: Observations not guaranteed to help you win.)

Most people who look at the winners of the caption contest say, "I could've done better than that." You're right. You could have. But that doesn't mean you could've won the caption contest—it just means you could've done better. And if your goal is not to win the caption contest, why bother entering? There is one mantra to take from this article, worth its own line break:

You are not trying to submit the funniest caption; you are trying to win The New Yorker's caption contest.

Humor and victory are different matters entirely. To understand what makes the perfect caption, you must start with the readership. Paging through The New Yorker is a lonesome withdrawal, not a group activity. The reader is isolated and introspective, probably on the train commuting to work. He suffers from urban ennui. He does not make eye contact. Laughing out loud is, in this context, an unseemly act sure to draw unwanted attention. To avoid this, your caption should elicit, at best, a mild chuckle. The first filter for your caption should be: Is it too funny? Will it make anyone laugh out loud? If so, throw it out and work on a less funny one.

Next you need to know the selection process. The first line of defense at The New Yorker is the cartoon editor's assistant, a twentysomething from Texas named Farley Katz. The cartoon assistant reads every single caption—at least 6,000 per week—and passes his favorite 50 or so to the editors, who narrow the list down to three. If you don't make it past Farley, you will never get your name in print. Knowing how he thinks is crucial. The astute captioner will note that he used to be a rollercoaster operator at Six Flags and a telemarketer. He is an outsider who has never trod in the cemented garden he protects. He had to look up "urban ennui" when he arrived in New York—he didn't learn it riding the subway for 25 years. Exploit the fact that Farley is working off the same stereotypes of The New Yorker readership as you are.

Now that you know your gatekeeper, it's time for some advanced joke theory. Should you make a pun or, perhaps, create a visual gag about a cat surreptitiously reading its owner's e-mail? Neither. You must aim for what is called a "theory of mind" caption, which requires the reader to project intents or beliefs into the minds of the cartoon's characters. An exemplary New Yorker theory of mind caption (accompanying a cartoon of a police officer ticketing a caveman with a large wheel): "Yeah, yeah—and I invented the ticket." The humor here requires inference about the caveman's beliefs and intentions as he (presumably) explains to the cop that he invented the wheel. A non-theory-of-mind caption (accompanying a cartoon of a bird wearing a thong), however, requires no such projection: "It's a thongbird." Theory of mind captions make for higher-order jokes easily distinguished from the simian puns and visual gags that litter the likes of MAD Magazine. To date, 136 out of the 145 caption contest winners (94 percent) fall into the "theory of mind" category.

People read The New Yorker to stay on top of the cultural world if they happen to be smart or—if they're just faking it—in the hope of receiving some sort of osmotic transfer of IQ if they hold the magazine tight enough. Nobody wants to feel that The New Yorker is above them, and the last thing they need is to have a cartoon joke go over their heads, lest they write a whole Seinfeld episode about it. Everyone must get your joke. Use common, simple, monosyllabic words. Steer clear of proper nouns that could potentially alienate. If you must use proper nouns, make them universally recognizable to urban Americans. Excepting first names, only nine proper nouns have ever appeared in a winning caption: Batmobile, Comanche, Roswell, Hell, Surrealism, Tylenol, Bud Light, Frankenstein, Kansas Board of Education. You get the idea. Keep it lowercase, keep it simple.

If you heed these instructions, maybe one day you will get a call from Farley and find yourself a finalist. Now what do you do? First, I Googled my fellow finalists: a legislative director in New York and a public-affairs director in Seattle. Clearly 9-to-5 types, at a loss for time, who would be unable to take advantage of the fact that the contest is decided by an online vote. You can and must do better, preferably by launching a full-scale viral marketing campaign. E-mail everyone you know. Create a Facebook group. Call in longstanding debts. It helps if, like me, you have no shame. I had musicians pitching me at their shows, professors pitching me in their lecture halls, and old ladies at cafes pitching me to their grandnieces. Kiss babies, shake hands, and play to win.

It also helps, of course, if you have the best entry. And I did. Here's the cartoon.

My winning caption: "O.K. I'm at the window. To the right? Your right or my right?"

Mildly amusing at best? Check. Theory of mind? Check. Proper nouns? Nope. And what better archetype of urban ennui could there be than a man in a cardigan holding a drink, yapping on his cell phone while blissfully unaware of looming dangers? A very similar cartoon by Jack Kirby from 1962—similar enough to lead the New York Post to shout plagiarism—has the person inside the window frightened and cowering, sans drink, glasses, or phone. But that was 50 years ago, and drudge and complacency have settled on the urban landscape sometime between now and then. You must look for these themes in your cartoon and pounce.

I will stop analyzing now, in deference to Seinfeld's New Yorker gospel: "Cartoons are like gossamer, and one doesn't dissect gossamer." But what does Jerry know, really? He may have a hit show, millions of dollars, and a beautiful wife, but he has never won The New Yorker caption contest. But I have. I have dissected gossamer. And now you can, too. Good luck.

100 Facts About Me Contest -- Week 3

This is yet another installment of the 100 Facts about me and third week of the t-shirt contest. Frankly, I can't give the t-shirt away. I must be a very good liar. Nobody guessed the correct fact that was a lie last week.

Each week (until the list totals 100) I post 11 items, 10 of which are true and one that is not. If you can guess which fact is not true, you can win a Running With Blue Sponge t-shirt. If more than one person guesses correctly (which would be a miracle), there will be a random drawing for the winner.

Next Monday, I'll post 10 more facts and one non-fact next and disclose which one of the items from this week was false. Each person may only make one guess. Leave a comment or send an email to runningwithbluesponge@gmail.com.

The false item from last week was #8. I never shaved my head because of a co-worker undergoing chemotherapy. I totally would do that, if the situation called for it, but I haven't. The other 10 items I listed were true.

Here's the sixth list of 10 facts and one non-fact:

1. My little finger on my right hand is shorter than my other pinky, and it has hair growing on the palm side (feel free to throw up).

2. I met Shane online.

3. I had the mumps.

4. I've sold seeds door-to-door.

5. As a child, I jumped off the roof of my house holding a bed sheet as a parachute.

6. I have college credit in Bowling.

7. A former babysitter of mine got a bit of a crush on me when I became of age, but while I was still living at home with my mother. She threw pebbles at my bedroom window so I'd meet her in the backyard late one night. It didn't really work out for her.

8. Shane and I have traveled to the Union of Myanmar (Burma).

9. While in elementary school, I had to go to a speech therapist to help correct my lisp.

10. I've taught a class in candlemaking.

11. I bite my nails.

Love Will Prevail

This is a beautiful video of couples getting married in California. It breaks my heart that bigots are wasting their time trying to stop the inevitable.

Coming Clean

Since the bathroom construction was finished yesterday, we started the
clean-up today. I took all of our blankets that got filthy over the
last 4 weeks, along with all our other laundry to the laudromat. Our
washer is a mini and can't handle blankets. Shane stayed home and
cleaned. I came home and cleaned. We cleaned all damn day and we
have more to clean tomorrow.

Bathroom Remodel --The Old Bathroom and Destruction

Bathroom Remodel -- It's Finished!

They said it would never be done, but it is just about done. We found a few flaws they need to fix still. The drain stop in the sink doesn't work. They forgot to put the fixture over the recessed light in the shower. They need to fix some other minor stuff. But, it is pretty much done. Yahoo!

I love the black stripe below the chair rail in the shower. Sometimes mistakes can turn out well.

Osama Mark Laden with Blue Sponge

Create your own FACEinHOLE

The Street Where We Live

I took this with my iPhone sitting on our front steps. I love the
street we live on. It is very residential for being about a mile from
the Capitol. I'd say about a third of the households on our block are
gay. The people are friendly and it is a great place to live. Just a
couple of blocks from our house is Barracks Row with lots of nice
restaurants. I remember about 15 years ago when this neighborhood was
downright scary. It has turned around much since then and a bunch
since we moved here 6 years ago. Our 6 year anniversary in this house
was Saturday. The patiotic garland in the tree next door is left over
from the inauguration celebration.

New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #180

Here's another try at the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest for this week.

My caption for this cartoon is below:

I'm so not sure about this "cruise with a dead celebrity" idea of yours. Is this fruit even sanitary?

Let me know if you come up with a caption too. Click on the link above to enter.

100 Facts About Me T-Shirt Contest - Week 2

This is another installment of the 100 Facts about me and second week of the t-shirt contest. Each week (until the list totals 100) I post 11 items, 10 of which are true and one that is not. The first person that guesses which fact is not true wins a Running With Blue Sponge t-shirt. Next Monday, I'll post 10 more facts and one non-fact next and disclose which one of the items from this week was false. Each person may only make one guess. Leave a comment or send an e-mail to RunningWithBlueSponge@gmail.com.

The false item from last week was #5. I was never in the movie Diner. The other 10 items I listed were true. Nobody guessed correctly.

Archer, from Archer Radio, thought it was hard to believe that I wrote a country song. I've written a couple country songs, mostly to prove that it isn't that difficult to write a country song. One of my songs was called, "My Woman Has Got B.O." It is about a man who marries the woman of his dreams only to find out later that she has a glandular problem. I didn't say it was a good country song.

Here's the fifth list of 10 facts and one non-fact:

1. I played the trombone in my elementary school band.

2. I was in my high school senior class play about a train wreck (that was indeed a train wreck).

3. I got a C in Chorus class in high school because, according to my teacher, my voice was changing.

4. On the night of my senior prom, I had a job babysitting.

5. I was very disappointed with the x-ray glasses I sent away for from the back of a comic book.

6. I was not aware of the concept of homosexuality until I was 11 when I saw a TV news story on the subject, which I thought was hilarious.

7. I've taught classes at my church's vacation bible school.

8. Along with several other co-workers, I once shaved my head when a colleague lost her hair while undergoing chemotherapy.

9. I had to go to the emergency room once with what I thought a an appendicitis attack, but it turned out to be kidney stones.

10. I'm a grocery checker school graduate.

11. I lettered in tennis at college.

A Taste of Spring

It was a beautiful day here in DC today.  The temperature, according to the bank temperature sign was 63 degrees in the dead of winter.  It was a nice day for a walk.  I walked down on the National Mall toward the Washington Monument.  It was a lot less crowded than the last time I walked down there -- on inauguration day.  I had run 4 days in a row, so I was taking the weekend off, but I did walk quite a ways.  I stopped in the National Arboretum, primarily because I had to go to the bathroom.  

I took a few pictures inside.  It's amazing the stuff that we take for granted that are free and just down the street. 

The warm weather brought out the joggers, which also can be fun to look at.  Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures of them.  

Now I Remember Why We Don't Go to the Movies

It has been months and months since Shane and I went to the movies. I can't remember the last movie we saw in the theater. Today we went downtown to see Doubt.

Of course Meryl Streep was amazing and Philip Seymour Hoffman was excellent. All the actors were very good. However, I wasn't crazy about the story. I was expecting something more to happen and it never did. After it was over, I was feeling like, is that all? I just felt like it was missing something.

What I haven't missed was seeing a movie in the theater. I think seeing a movie with a room full of strangers can be a good experience, but it can drive me crazy. I should be happy there was nobody sitting nearby using their cell phone. The theater is underground, so it may be difficult to get a signal. I have been to movies where people do talk on the phone. They should burn in hell.

Today, we got to the theater early and found seats in the back row. I like to sit in the back. It prevents having to listen to people behind you chit chatting because they don't realize they are not in their living room.

Two ladies sat on my left. Shane sat to my right. The ladies they put their coats on their chairs and left. The theater was very small and filling up fast. Then the lights dimmed and they started showing previews and the the ladies had not returned to their seats. People started asking me if those seats were taken. I just said that two ladies left their coats there and I assume they would be back. They would shrug and continued searching in the dark for empty seats.

The ladies finally returned with lots of snacks and drinks. Then they proceeded to eat throughout the first half of the film. There were wrappings to open and popcorn to munch. They were constantly moving -- getting something out of their purse or searching for something or other. Multiply that by everyone else around me. Can't people just sit still and watch a movie? It makes me feel like an old woman to complain about such silliness, but I do. We might go to the movies again tomorrow.

Bathroom Crisis

Last night, we noticed a major flaw with the bathroom tile -- well, actually two flaws. The photo shows where the chair rail meets the shower door. The left side is the outside of the shower and the right side is the inside of the shower.

The first problem is that there is no end piece on the the end of the chair rail. It just ends with a cut off piece. They just have to redo those pieces with rounded off end pieces.

The more major flaw is that the chair rail on the inside of the shower is about an inch and a quarter lower the the chair rail on the outside of the shower. That is a more difficult problem to manage. Shane wrote the contractor several e-mails about both situations last night. They called us early this morning and said they were on their way to discuss it. When they got here, they agreed that both problems were unacceptable. We were really pleased with their attitude about wanting to make sure we are happy with how this comes out.

The contractor's solution to the chair rail height problem is to add a decorative tile piece on the inside of the shower to make it the same height as the outside chair rail and adjust the tiles pieces above and below the chair rail. They are bringing some samples tomorrow morning to give us some options. I like the idea of having decorative black tile going around the shower stall, which would match the black accents on the vanity, but Shane is not sold on that idea. They are bringing samples of both white and black, and also glass decorative pieces for us to choose from. Cross your fingers that this comes out looking good.

Reading the Newspaper on the Computer -- 1981 TV News Report

It is really amazing how much the home computer has become a part of our lives. These computer thingys might just catch on.

Bathroom and T-Shirt Update

The Running With Blue Sponge t-shirts arrived today. I am modeling
one while sitting on our new shower bench. The shirts came out great.

The bathroom is still not finished. Earlier this week they said they
would be done by tomorrow, but then they didn't come yesterday because
of the weather. They are still tiling. I hope they will be done next
week.

How to Watch Live TV on Your iPhone: Slingbox

This was posted a few days ago by Chris Pirillo on his Web site at http://chrispirllo.com --

"One of the pieces of hardware that I love the most is my Slingbox. A Slingbox lets you watch and control your television through the Internet. I was using the Slingplayer on my Windows Mobile device, but now I’m using the iPhone. There wasn’t anything available for the iPhone, until now!

It’s still in Beta, and hasn’t been released outside of the company yet. However - it’s working!! Soon we’ll be able to use this on our iPhone, folks! Mark demonstrated how it works, and how well it works for me during Macworld.

They feel that they have introduced some sexy controls for the iPhone. When changing channels, there is about a four second buffer, which isn’t bad at all. They have instituted a “favorites” area, which allows you to quickly change channels to whatever it is you love to watch the most. You also don’t have to minimize the video space in order to access your controls, which is great!

Right now, it only works in landscape mode, but that makes sense. They plan to incorporate video-changing mode in the future. They are shooting for release yet this quarter, before the end of March. It will, of course, be available in the App Store, for around the $30 price range! Stay tuned, and be ready to finally control your TV through your iPhone!"

Darwin Day is Around the Corner

Darwin Day is February 12, just 2 weeks from tomorrow. Have you made your Darwin Day plans yet? Click here to go to the Darwin Day Web site for lots of information about events and celebrations going on all over the world. There are currently 300 events scheduled in 31 countries for Darwin Day 2009. There is also a countdown clock on the Darwin Day Web site.

I am planning on attending a lecture called "Darwin at 200, Human Nature at a Few Million, A Myth Dispelled" in Arlington, VA. You can access the event Web site by clicking here. The lecture will be given by Dennis K. McBride, Ph.D., Academic President of the Potomac Institute for Policy Studies. This talk first reviews some of the least known but important elements of Charles Darwin’s portfolio as he published “Origins” in 1859, and “Descent of Man” in 1871. (For example, Darwin was, fortunately for us, very prone to sea sickness.)

Poll numbers show that a significant proportion of today’s population does not accept Darwinism as applied to humans. Darwin foresaw and actually embraced this resistance. More importantly, a significant proportion of adults, including academics, accept human evolution but eschew the idea of a DNA-supported (i.e., not genetically determined) “human nature.” At least three evolved characteristics of human evolution make the species very different from its closest relatives: the opposable thumb, bipedalism, and the encephalized brain (which increased in size by a factor of 3 over the past few million years).

The lecture is being sponsored by the National Capital Area Skeptics. It will be held on Saturday, February 14 at 1:30 p.m. at the National Science Foundation, Room 110 4201 Wilson Boulevard, Arlington, VA. Happy Birthday Charlie!

New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

I try and enter the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest each week. I have never won or even been a finalist, but I still persevere. My captions may be a bit outside the box for them, or perhaps they just aren't funny. My caption for this cartoon is below:

"Good Lord, I hope this prostate exam goes a bit smoother than the last one."

Any other ideas out there?

2009 Goals Progress Update

I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this year, but I did set five goals for the year (there is a difference in my mind). They are listed on the side bar of this blog. They are to weigh less than 165 pounds, run two marathons, read/or listen to 24 books, complete the Rosetta Stone for Latin American Spanish, and post at least 4 to 5 times a week on this blog.

What prompted this posting is that I worked out today. I have had trouble with motivation to work out lately. The last time before today that I worked out was a week ago Friday. I didn't work out at all last week. Also, I've been eating terribly. The holidays were a candy bonanza at our house. We went through a lot of sweets and it is starting to show on the scale. I weighed myself today after my workout. Today I weighed slightly more than 186 pounds. I can no longer fit into my 34-inch waisted pants. That means I don't have too many clothes that will fit. I'm down to about three pairs of pants. I've decided to stop the insanity. No more sweets. I need to eat better and work out more regularly. I will do better starting today.

The one goal I have been exceeding at is the blogging. I have blogged everyday so far in 2009. I can't promise that will last forever, but it's something. The other goals aren't going so well. I haven't looked at the Rosetta Stone software since December. I started reading two books, but haven't finished either one yet.

I still plan on running the two marathons this year however. The first one I'm aiming for is the Delaware Marathon on May 17. Delaware will be my fourth State, counting DC. Once I run a marathon in 10 different States, I can join the 50 States Marathon Club. Since I've run the Marine Corps Marathon twice now, I can count Virginia as one State for one race and DC as one State for one race. I also ran the U.S. Air Force Marathon in Ohio. I am planning on running another marathon in the fall, but I'm not sure which one -- I'm thinking about Portland, ME, in October; Baltimore, MD, in October; or Philadelphia, PA, in November.

Whichever one I run, I will be carrying my trusty blue sponge.