Thursday, February 12
HAPPY DARWIN DAY!
I, of course, disagree that this is any proof of intelligent design. I'm not sure why this trait, since it works so well, isn't just part of the evolution of the species. Anyhow, if it makes them feel better to think that some being designed finches to work that way, who am I to rain on their parade. I just roll my eyes.
To celebrate Darwin Day, I took the day off work, which turned out to give me a 5 day weekend. Friday is my regular day off and Monday is Presidents' Day. To celebrate, I'm taking Shane out to dinner tonight. Shane had to work and is very jealous I'm off today and tomorrow.
Today, I went and got another estimate on my car repair. I found a place that was highly rated on Angie's List and they gave me the lowest price yet, so I think I'm going with them. I dented the back of the car in a bit when I went to the local grocery store to buy a case of wine. That turned out to be the most expensive wine I've ever purchased. The repair estimate is $550.
I also got my haircut and bought some Valentine's cards. And, I bought myself a little present at Best Buy. I got a DVD recorder/VCR, because I have a bunch of old home movies on VHS tapes I need to convert to DVD before they disintegrate.
I hope everyone is doing something special for Darwin Day. Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Abe too.
Wednesday, February 11
Rainbow Connection by the Dixie Chicks
I included this song in a playlist I compiled for my boss's baby shower we had today. Her partner and their 3-year-old daughter also attended. Her partner is the one having the baby. It was very cool that nobody seemed to care they were a same-sex couple. At my office, nobody seems to care I have a picture on my desk of Shane and I. I appreciate how much things have changed. I could never imagine being out at work and having it be a non-issue. It's great and I know I'm lucky.
Tuesday, February 10
I'm All About the Free Stuff
How to Win the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest
Today I can finally update my résumé to include "Writer, The New Yorker." Yes, I won The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest, and I'm going to tell you how I did it. These observations have been culled from months of research and are guaranteed to help you win, too. (Note from Slate's lawyers: Observations not guaranteed to help you win.)
Most people who look at the winners of the caption contest say, "I could've done better than that." You're right. You could have. But that doesn't mean you could've won the caption contest—it just means you could've done better. And if your goal is not to win the caption contest, why bother entering? There is one mantra to take from this article, worth its own line break:
You are not trying to submit the funniest caption; you are trying to win The New Yorker's caption contest.
Humor and victory are different matters entirely. To understand what makes the perfect caption, you must start with the readership. Paging through The New Yorker is a lonesome withdrawal, not a group activity. The reader is isolated and introspective, probably on the train commuting to work. He suffers from urban ennui. He does not make eye contact. Laughing out loud is, in this context, an unseemly act sure to draw unwanted attention. To avoid this, your caption should elicit, at best, a mild chuckle. The first filter for your caption should be: Is it too funny? Will it make anyone laugh out loud? If so, throw it out and work on a less funny one.
Next you need to know the selection process. The first line of defense at The New Yorker is the cartoon editor's assistant, a twentysomething from Texas named Farley Katz. The cartoon assistant reads every single caption—at least 6,000 per week—and passes his favorite 50 or so to the editors, who narrow the list down to three. If you don't make it past Farley, you will never get your name in print. Knowing how he thinks is crucial. The astute captioner will note that he used to be a rollercoaster operator at Six Flags and a telemarketer. He is an outsider who has never trod in the cemented garden he protects. He had to look up "urban ennui" when he arrived in New York—he didn't learn it riding the subway for 25 years. Exploit the fact that Farley is working off the same stereotypes of The New Yorker readership as you are.
Now that you know your gatekeeper, it's time for some advanced joke theory. Should you make a pun or, perhaps, create a visual gag about a cat surreptitiously reading its owner's e-mail? Neither. You must aim for what is called a "theory of mind" caption, which requires the reader to project intents or beliefs into the minds of the cartoon's characters. An exemplary New Yorker theory of mind caption (accompanying a cartoon of a police officer ticketing a caveman with a large wheel): "Yeah, yeah—and I invented the ticket." The humor here requires inference about the caveman's beliefs and intentions as he (presumably) explains to the cop that he invented the wheel. A non-theory-of-mind caption (accompanying a cartoon of a bird wearing a thong), however, requires no such projection: "It's a thongbird." Theory of mind captions make for higher-order jokes easily distinguished from the simian puns and visual gags that litter the likes of MAD Magazine. To date, 136 out of the 145 caption contest winners (94 percent) fall into the "theory of mind" category.
People read The New Yorker to stay on top of the cultural world if they happen to be smart or—if they're just faking it—in the hope of receiving some sort of osmotic transfer of IQ if they hold the magazine tight enough. Nobody wants to feel that The New Yorker is above them, and the last thing they need is to have a cartoon joke go over their heads, lest they write a whole Seinfeld episode about it. Everyone must get your joke. Use common, simple, monosyllabic words. Steer clear of proper nouns that could potentially alienate. If you must use proper nouns, make them universally recognizable to urban Americans. Excepting first names, only nine proper nouns have ever appeared in a winning caption: Batmobile, Comanche, Roswell, Hell, Surrealism, Tylenol, Bud Light, Frankenstein, Kansas Board of Education. You get the idea. Keep it lowercase, keep it simple.
If you heed these instructions, maybe one day you will get a call from Farley and find yourself a finalist. Now what do you do? First, I Googled my fellow finalists: a legislative director in New York and a public-affairs director in Seattle. Clearly 9-to-5 types, at a loss for time, who would be unable to take advantage of the fact that the contest is decided by an online vote. You can and must do better, preferably by launching a full-scale viral marketing campaign. E-mail everyone you know. Create a Facebook group. Call in longstanding debts. It helps if, like me, you have no shame. I had musicians pitching me at their shows, professors pitching me in their lecture halls, and old ladies at cafes pitching me to their grandnieces. Kiss babies, shake hands, and play to win.
It also helps, of course, if you have the best entry. And I did. Here's the cartoon.
My winning caption: "O.K. I'm at the window. To the right? Your right or my right?"
Mildly amusing at best? Check. Theory of mind? Check. Proper nouns? Nope. And what better archetype of urban ennui could there be than a man in a cardigan holding a drink, yapping on his cell phone while blissfully unaware of looming dangers? A very similar cartoon by Jack Kirby from 1962—similar enough to lead the New York Post to shout plagiarism—has the person inside the window frightened and cowering, sans drink, glasses, or phone. But that was 50 years ago, and drudge and complacency have settled on the urban landscape sometime between now and then. You must look for these themes in your cartoon and pounce.
I will stop analyzing now, in deference to Seinfeld's New Yorker gospel: "Cartoons are like gossamer, and one doesn't dissect gossamer." But what does Jerry know, really? He may have a hit show, millions of dollars, and a beautiful wife, but he has never won The New Yorker caption contest. But I have. I have dissected gossamer. And now you can, too. Good luck.
Monday, February 9
100 Facts About Me Contest -- Week 3
8. Shane and I have traveled to the Union of Myanmar (Burma).
9. While in elementary school, I had to go to a speech therapist to help correct my lisp.
10. I've taught a class in candlemaking.
11. I bite my nails.
Sunday, February 8
Love Will Prevail
This is a beautiful video of couples getting married in California. It breaks my heart that bigots are wasting their time trying to stop the inevitable.
Saturday, February 7
Coming Clean
clean-up today. I took all of our blankets that got filthy over the
last 4 weeks, along with all our other laundry to the laudromat. Our
washer is a mini and can't handle blankets. Shane stayed home and
cleaned. I came home and cleaned. We cleaned all damn day and we
have more to clean tomorrow.
Friday, February 6
Bathroom Remodel -- It's Finished!
They said it would never be done, but it is just about done. We found a few flaws they need to fix still. The drain stop in the sink doesn't work. They forgot to put the fixture over the recessed light in the shower. They need to fix some other minor stuff. But, it is pretty much done. Yahoo!
I love the black stripe below the chair rail in the shower. Sometimes mistakes can turn out well.
Thursday, February 5
Wednesday, February 4
The Street Where We Live
street we live on. It is very residential for being about a mile from
the Capitol. I'd say about a third of the households on our block are
gay. The people are friendly and it is a great place to live. Just a
couple of blocks from our house is Barracks Row with lots of nice
restaurants. I remember about 15 years ago when this neighborhood was
downright scary. It has turned around much since then and a bunch
since we moved here 6 years ago. Our 6 year anniversary in this house
was Saturday. The patiotic garland in the tree next door is left over
from the inauguration celebration.
Tuesday, February 3
New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #180
Here's another try at the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest for this week.
My caption for this cartoon is below:
I'm so not sure about this "cruise with a dead celebrity" idea of yours. Is this fruit even sanitary?
Let me know if you come up with a caption too. Click on the link above to enter.
Monday, February 2
100 Facts About Me T-Shirt Contest - Week 2
Sunday, February 1
A Taste of Spring
Saturday, January 31
Now I Remember Why We Don't Go to the Movies
Of course Meryl Streep was amazing and Philip Seymour Hoffman was excellent. All the actors were very good. However, I wasn't crazy about the story. I was expecting something more to happen and it never did. After it was over, I was feeling like, is that all? I just felt like it was missing something.
What I haven't missed was seeing a movie in the theater. I think seeing a movie with a room full of strangers can be a good experience, but it can drive me crazy. I should be happy there was nobody sitting nearby using their cell phone. The theater is underground, so it may be difficult to get a signal. I have been to movies where people do talk on the phone. They should burn in hell.
Today, we got to the theater early and found seats in the back row. I like to sit in the back. It prevents having to listen to people behind you chit chatting because they don't realize they are not in their living room.
Two ladies sat on my left. Shane sat to my right. The ladies they put their coats on their chairs and left. The theater was very small and filling up fast. Then the lights dimmed and they started showing previews and the the ladies had not returned to their seats. People started asking me if those seats were taken. I just said that two ladies left their coats there and I assume they would be back. They would shrug and continued searching in the dark for empty seats.
The ladies finally returned with lots of snacks and drinks. Then they proceeded to eat throughout the first half of the film. There were wrappings to open and popcorn to munch. They were constantly moving -- getting something out of their purse or searching for something or other. Multiply that by everyone else around me. Can't people just sit still and watch a movie? It makes me feel like an old woman to complain about such silliness, but I do. We might go to the movies again tomorrow.
Friday, January 30
Bathroom Crisis
The first problem is that there is no end piece on the the end of the chair rail. It just ends with a cut off piece. They just have to redo those pieces with rounded off end pieces.
The more major flaw is that the chair rail on the inside of the shower is about an inch and a quarter lower the the chair rail on the outside of the shower. That is a more difficult problem to manage. Shane wrote the contractor several e-mails about both situations last night. They called us early this morning and said they were on their way to discuss it. When they got here, they agreed that both problems were unacceptable. We were really pleased with their attitude about wanting to make sure we are happy with how this comes out.
The contractor's solution to the chair rail height problem is to add a decorative tile piece on the inside of the shower to make it the same height as the outside chair rail and adjust the tiles pieces above and below the chair rail. They are bringing some samples tomorrow morning to give us some options. I like the idea of having decorative black tile going around the shower stall, which would match the black accents on the vanity, but Shane is not sold on that idea. They are bringing samples of both white and black, and also glass decorative pieces for us to choose from. Cross your fingers that this comes out looking good.
Thursday, January 29
Reading the Newspaper on the Computer -- 1981 TV News Report
It is really amazing how much the home computer has become a part of our lives. These computer thingys might just catch on.
Bathroom and T-Shirt Update
one while sitting on our new shower bench. The shirts came out great.
The bathroom is still not finished. Earlier this week they said they
would be done by tomorrow, but then they didn't come yesterday because
of the weather. They are still tiling. I hope they will be done next
week.
Wednesday, January 28
How to Watch Live TV on Your iPhone: Slingbox
This was posted a few days ago by Chris Pirillo on his Web site at http://chrispirllo.com --
"One of the pieces of hardware that I love the most is my Slingbox. A Slingbox lets you watch and control your television through the Internet. I was using the Slingplayer on my Windows Mobile device, but now I’m using the iPhone. There wasn’t anything available for the iPhone, until now!
It’s still in Beta, and hasn’t been released outside of the company yet. However - it’s working!! Soon we’ll be able to use this on our iPhone, folks! Mark demonstrated how it works, and how well it works for me during Macworld.
They feel that they have introduced some sexy controls for the iPhone. When changing channels, there is about a four second buffer, which isn’t bad at all. They have instituted a “favorites” area, which allows you to quickly change channels to whatever it is you love to watch the most. You also don’t have to minimize the video space in order to access your controls, which is great!
Right now, it only works in landscape mode, but that makes sense. They plan to incorporate video-changing mode in the future. They are shooting for release yet this quarter, before the end of March. It will, of course, be available in the App Store, for around the $30 price range! Stay tuned, and be ready to finally control your TV through your iPhone!"
Darwin Day is Around the Corner
New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest
"Good Lord, I hope this prostate exam goes a bit smoother than the last one."
Any other ideas out there?
Tuesday, January 27
2009 Goals Progress Update
What prompted this posting is that I worked out today. I have had trouble with motivation to work out lately. The last time before today that I worked out was a week ago Friday. I didn't work out at all last week. Also, I've been eating terribly. The holidays were a candy bonanza at our house. We went through a lot of sweets and it is starting to show on the scale. I weighed myself today after my workout. Today I weighed slightly more than 186 pounds. I can no longer fit into my 34-inch waisted pants. That means I don't have too many clothes that will fit. I'm down to about three pairs of pants. I've decided to stop the insanity. No more sweets. I need to eat better and work out more regularly. I will do better starting today.
The one goal I have been exceeding at is the blogging. I have blogged everyday so far in 2009. I can't promise that will last forever, but it's something. The other goals aren't going so well. I haven't looked at the Rosetta Stone software since December. I started reading two books, but haven't finished either one yet.
I still plan on running the two marathons this year however. The first one I'm aiming for is the Delaware Marathon on May 17. Delaware will be my fourth State, counting DC. Once I run a marathon in 10 different States, I can join the 50 States Marathon Club. Since I've run the Marine Corps Marathon twice now, I can count Virginia as one State for one race and DC as one State for one race. I also ran the U.S. Air Force Marathon in Ohio. I am planning on running another marathon in the fall, but I'm not sure which one -- I'm thinking about Portland, ME, in October; Baltimore, MD, in October; or Philadelphia, PA, in November.
Whichever one I run, I will be carrying my trusty blue sponge.
Monday, January 26
100 Facts About Me Contest -- Win a Free T-Shirt
The false item from last week was #9. I never won $5,000 in any lottery game. The other 10 items I listed were true.
Here's the fourth list of 10 facts and one non-fact:
1. I've had pet gerbils.
2. I took tap dancing lessons, and danced in front of hundreds of people.
3. I've written a country music song.
4. Shane and I own about 5 acres of land in Maine, where we plan to eventually build a house and retire.
5. I was briefly in the Barry Levinson movie Diner, filmed in Baltimore.
6. I have skied at ski resorts in Maine, Pennsylvania, Colorado, and New Mexico.
7. The first real concert I ever saw was REO Speedwagon, and I had won the tickets from a radio station. Survivor was the opening act.
8. I ran my first marathon in 1998 to raise money for AIDS charities and received just under $4,000 in contributions.
9. I did an internship during my last semester in college with the Baltimore News American and I wrote two front-page stories. The paper went out of business shortly thereafter.
10. I helped digitize maps used in the first Gulf War.
11. I buried a man in a cemetery while his young son watched.
Sunday, January 25
You're So Vanity
Sent from Mark's iPhone
More Pictures from Game Night at Archer's
We celebrated the Boyfriends 45th birthday, though he seemed surprised he was that old. Archer made a delicious chocolate cake and gave him some beautiful wine glasses.
We played Cranium Party Playoff, a new game the Boyfriend had given Archer for Christmas. We played twice and I won both times. We then played a game I got for Christmas, Smart Ass. I won the first game and Shane won the second.
We then played Archer's old version of Trivial Pursuit. It was Shane and I against Archer and the Boyfriend. It was neck and neck, but Archer and the Boyfriend finally won. Go to his video Web site at http://www.archerrvideo.com/ -- he will be posting some video of the festivities there soon.
Saturday, January 24
Pizza and Game Night
Archer and the Boyfriend having pizza.
Friday, January 23
Wrecked!
Thursday, January 22
Witchiepoo Sings Oranges Smoranges from HR Puffnstuf
I loved this as a kid. What was I thinking? I still love me some Witchiepoo though.
Lasagna Night Turns Romantic
where I had this lasagna with the meat on the outside. It got very
romantic for the couple at the table next to us who became engaged
soon after we sat down. She got very excited and announced the news
to all the diners in the restaurant. Then, her fiancé surprised her
by having flown her parents in from Arizona. He also invited several
more friends and family, until there were about 12 people at their
party. It's a good thing she said yes.
Wednesday, January 21
Bathroom Remodel Update
tiles on the wall. We had a shower door crisis today. The door we
wanted became unavailable. We had a conference call with the
contractor and settled on another model -- for more money of course.
Tuesday, January 20
Inauguration Experience -- We Were There
Where Shane Met Barack Obama
primary day. They have some photos on their wall of that day. We
stopped there on our way to the inauguration for coffee and hot
chocolate.
Bystander's Reaction to the Inauguration Rehearsal
This was just the rehearsal on last Sunday! Multiply this by about 2 million today.
Monday, January 19
100 Facts About Me, Part 3 -- Numbers 21 - 30
I'll post 10 more facts and one non-fact next Monday and tell which one of the items below is false next week.
The false item from last week was #1. I have never been engaged to a woman. The other 10 items I listed are true.
Archer, of Archer Radio, guessed the item about me having plastic surgery was the false one. I have had plastic surgery, but I'll explain more about that another time.
Greg guessed the false item was the one about the forest fire. The fire wasn't as bad as it could have been. I was a bit of a pyromaniac as a child and I was playing with matches in a woods. It was fall and there were dry leaves everywhere. The leaves caught on fire and started to spread fast. Luckily, my grandmother saw the flames from across the road, and amazingly, she and another woman she was visiting with were able to beat the flames out before there was a disaster. I'm not sure why, but my grandmother never told my mother about this and never really punished me for it. She may have felt guilty for allowing it to happen. Anyway, that was my closest call with fire.
CHM guessed the Clorox bleach story was false. As a child, (prior to the forest fire) I was laying on the floor near the washer and the bottle of bleach was beside me. For some reason, I lifted the bottle of bleach up and turned it upside down over my face. The cap was apparently very loose or only sitting on the top of the bottle and it came off and bleach splashed on my face -- a small amount which I swallowed. I wasn't very happy, but I lived. It wasn't as bad as having a mouse run up the inside of my pants. I still get the heebie-jeebies from that.
Here's the third list of 10 facts and one non-fact:
1. When I was a supervisor at a previous job, I had one of my employees arrested after I discovered he was exposing himself to little girls.
2. I have been diagnosed with a heart murmur.
3. As a child, I underwent a medical procedure several times that used radium-tipped rods -- the size of knitting needles -- stuck up my nostrils, which were supposed to shrink my adenoids.
4. My neighbor Kirby and I caused my sister's arm to get broken.
5. I am a certified SCUBA diver and have seen sharks in open water while diving.
6. I have shaken the hands of both President Clinton and Vice President Gore.
7. I sang tenor in my church choir.
8. I have walked on the Great Wall of China.
9. I won $5,000 on a scratch-off lottery ticket.
10. I've been a member of both a volleyball league and a bowling league.
11. I am a Community College graduate.
*Brand new car prize is restricted to imaginary and/or fictional characters.
Sunday, January 18
Diversity's Not Just a Slogan
with an HRC sticker on her hat, but just now noticed the guy in the
turbin in the foreground. Though there may have been fewer older
white men at this event (even if you count me) than were at W's
inauguration events, I saw lots of not only African Americans, but
also Hispanics, Asians, and a few of us old white guys... Actually,
just me and Joe Biden. Oh, and the guy in the beret and the old guy
next to HRC girl. That's 4.