The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #186

Let my people go . . . to the China Hut for the most

delicious sweet and sour chicken this side of the Red Sea!

This is the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest cartoon for this week. My caption for this cartoon is above. Click on the link above to enter.

This caption is way too long and I don't think it is particularly original either or funny, so it has a good chance of winning. Other captions I was considering included:

"Have a Goldstone, Mr. Eggroll."

"With sin you get eggrolls."

"Having Kung Pao anywhere else is an abomination!"

"Thou Shall Not Double Dip the Duck Sauce."

This is why I'm not a comedy writer. Let me know if you come up with any captions too.

The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #184 -- Sort of Close

Unless you're selling chalk, we don't need any.

You might recall my caption for the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest cartoon from a couple weeks ago (#184), which is above. Each week they announce three finalists for people to vote on to determine which is the best caption. One of the finalists announced this week was, "Beat it, buddy. We're out of chalk." It was submitted by Paul Snare of University Place, Wash. I'd say I was getting close. OK... it isn't exactly the same, but we both mention chalk.

Insomnia Sucks Big Time

There is a saying in our house -- when Shane doesn't sleep, nobody sleeps.  

I have been having a bad time the last couple days with my sinuses.  I was hoping it was the high pollen count down in Florida and not a cold.  Anyway, my head is congested and I have a bit of a tickle in my throat causing me to cough a bit.  We went to bed at the regular time... around 11:15 or so.  At about 1:30, I woke up with a tickle again and had to cough a bit.  I drank a little water and Shane lifted his head, and said in a slightly panicked manner, "I can't sleep."  

He laid back down and tried again... moments later he was up and trying to turn on the fan over our bed.  Unfortunately, the wall switch was off and when he turned it on, the light came on.  We laid there some more with him tossing and turning.  I could see this was not going to work.  I was just listening for his sleep breathing and it never came.  Normally, he can fall asleep in about 30 seconds, but he was now in worry mode that he can't fall asleep and I was worrying about him falling asleep too.  Also, I have this thing that after I sleep, even for a short time, my body thinks I was just taking a nap and it is time to get up.  I soon realized I wasn't going to be sleeping anymore tonight.  I got up and took the laptop downstairs and began surfing the web.  

My head is still congested and I'm starting to think this is a cold, not just from pollen.  I hope Shane was able to finally get to sleep.  He was worried about a big writing project he needed to get completed by Wednesday.   We just need to get through this day and hopefully, we will sleep well tonight.  

We're Considering a Forclosed House Near Naples -- Are We Crazy?

Shane and I sold our condo on Fort Myers just over a year ago. On our way to the airport to fly back to DC today, we stopped to look at a 3 bedroom 2 bath house outside of Naples, FL, on 2.75 acres of land listed for $114K. I was hoping it would be a dump, so it wouldn't be a temptation. It actually looked pretty nice. Damn!

OK, the grass is dead, but it is very dry in SW Florida. It is a rural area, but there are some other nice houses in the neighborhood. Of course, one of the worse houses is right next door. There are LOTS of houses for sale in the area, as there are all over the State of Florida.

Shane is going to call to get more information. There may already be a contract on this for all we know. Anyway, there are many other houses for sale and I'm sure there are still plenty of bargains to be found if this one doesn't work out. It would have to be an amazing bargain for us to dive back into Florida real estate.

Below are some photos from today's exploration. As you can see, it is on a wooded lot and it is set back from the road. The back view looks back into woods. There is plenty of room for a pool someday.

Turtle Beach Day -- Me Like

This is what I looked at all day. I did go for a run and a dip in the
Gulf, but I spent most if the day in my beach chair looking at the
view. It was a very nice day.

Black Tongue Surprise

I have fallen off the eating right wagon this weekend, and as a result I had a bit of an upset stomach last night. Shane had a couple Pepto-Bismal tablets, so I took them. I felt better and slept pretty good. However, when I got up this morning, I was flabergasted to discover my tongue had turned black as coal overnight. It looked like a horrible fungus covering my tongue. I started brushing my tongue with my toothbrush until I was gagging to get the black off. It still isn't all gone. I Googled black tongue and Pepto and quickly learned this is a common side-effect. It is a scary and gross side-effect too.

I Like Turtle Beach

We're down in Florida this weekend, and today we drove around a bit
and did some shopping. We were scouting out some beaches to go to
tomorrow for the day. We went to Siesta Key, and found Turtle Beach.
It has everything we want -- clear water, white sand, parking, not too
crowded, and a bathroom relatively close by. The short time that we
were there today, we saw pelicans, dolphins, and a sting ray. The
weather is nice today and is supposed to be nice again tomorrow. We
are going to spend most of the day there. I can't wait! The photo above shows Shane wading in the surf.

Tammy Faye Is Reincarnated! Maybe?

We are spending a long weekend in Florida at Shane's mom's and this is
their Labradoodle, Lucy. Though it is hard to see in this photo, she
has the longest eyelashes I've ever seen on any living thing. And that is
without mascara! If she cried a lot, I would be certain she is the
reincarnated Tammy Faye, but she seems pretty happy.

Has the President Let Fame Go to His Head?

I stayed up late last night and watched a little bit of Jay Leno interview President Obama. The president got a little bit of flack when it was announced he would go on the Tonight Show. The gist of the comments were that he should be fixing the economy and not appearing on entertainment TV shows. There are also those who think he is doing too many things at once. Everyone has an opinion. Mine is that he is doing just fine.

The whole controversy reminded me of the campaign last year when the Republican talking points came up with the criticism that Obama is a celebrity. How could we elect a celebrity to be president (unless it was Ronald Reagan)? I do worry, however, that our president might let all this celebrity go to his head. So, I came up with some warning signs.

You Know President Obama Has Let Fame Go to His Head When He . . .

--Starts hanging out at the Playboy Mansion.

--Has the U.S. Mint issue an Obama dollar coin.

--Is named to star in the new Ocean's 14 movie.

--Leaves his wife for Angelina Jolie.

--Has the Pope kiss his ring.

--Guest stars on the VH1 show, I Love New York.

Let me know if you have any warning signs of your own.

DC Examiner Practices Ann Coulter Journalism

I ride the subway to work everyday and being the cheapskate I am I take one of the free newspapers offered at the top of the escalators at Eastern Market Metro. I always take the Express, produced by the Washington Post, and NEVER take the DC Examiner. The DC Examiner is Fox News with out the proclamation of fairness and the New York Post without the wacky headlines.

Today, the poor person hawking the Examiner had to stand in one of the most liberal cities in the country and try to give away papers with the above photo and headline hugely plastered. I couldn't help but notice it today.

It has been less than 2 months -- 2 month! Apparently, there was little news today. How can there be no news? There obviously wasn't any news, because the Examiner felt it necessary to put a dejected photo of President Obama on the cover and pretty much announce his time has come and gone.

Inside, they have a four-page spread of what they called, "Commentary: Special Report," which consisted of eight editorials explaining how our new president is "Stumbling along the learning curve," and that the "AIG mess clips the wings of high-flying Obama team." Obamaland will consist of long unemployment lines and skyrocketing prices, according to this bunch.

I don't agree with everything about Obama, but I believe in giving him a chance. This is plainly Ann Coulter journalism--saying derisive, hateful things to sell newspapers. Unbelievable! Whenever I go into a bookstore and see one of Ann Coulter's books on display, I hide it behind another book, usually something by Al Franken. I'd appreciate it if you would too.

I did have to look at this paper today to write this post, but I was happy to see the newspaper bin nearly full of these papers on my commute home tonight. You can't give them away. I wouldn't wipe myself with this paper.

Everyone Turns Gay, World to End, News at 11

Yesterday, some wing nuts in Minnesota said they would introduce anti-gay legislation to prevent gay marriage, civil unions, and unintended glances in locker rooms. Their worry is that if everyone turned gay, the world would end in 10 years. I say, maybe this is true, but what a fun 10 years that would be!

Apparently, they feel God’s damnation of gays would end the world. Let’s face it, this would not be the first time God has been pissed and wiped out humanity (minus an ark full of couples). God can be a bit judgmental, if history is any indication.

My question is, isn’t God often depicted as a man? Doesn’t the bible say that man was made in God’s image? Therefore, it seems to me all these men proclaiming their love for God are acting fairly gay.

I always thought Jesus was a little gay. He never got married, and he hung around at the beach picking up a dozen or so men. If I went to the beach and had a dozen men wanting to wash my feet, I’m not sure I’d be going around bashing the gays.

I don’t remember anything in my Sunday School lessons about Jesus commenting on the gays. Was it Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell? Maybe it just wasn’t that high on his agenda. Maybe his message of love and kindness is lost on the people that worship him. What makes me mad is that people get angry when I suggest that Jesus might have been gay, like that is a big insult. I consider it a compliment. Though I don’t believe in God, if there was a Jesus, I don’t think he would care if I thought he was gay in a hopeful way.

100 Facts About Me -- How My Father Died

In my recent post listing the 100 Facts About Me, I said that I would expand on the details of some of the facts on my list. Number 2 on the list was the following: "My father died when I was 1 year old in a skydiving accident (where he drowned)."

OK. Technically, that isn't even about me, but it was an important fact in my life. My father died when I was 18 months old. The last time I saw him, I was 9 months old. He was as Staff Sergeant in the Army and in the summer of 1962 he went to Southeast Asia for what was suppose to be a year tour.

In February 1963, my father was playing in a charity soccer match in Bangkok and the team was supposed to parachute onto the field. According to my mother, she had no idea that he was involved in parachuting. She said that he would get dizzy sitting in a rocking chair. Unfortunately, while skydiving he veered off-course and landed in a nearby canal. A helicopter was dispatched to rescue him, but he fell from the ladder beneath the helicopter back into the water and he drowned. He was 27 years old.

The photo above is of my parent's wedding photo taken in 1956.

I Spotted a Celebrity on the Subway!

On this morning's ride in to work, I happened to see a minor celebrity
on the subway. Sitting in front of the Chevron ad about using less
energy, is the model used in the ad. I'm not sure of this guy's name,
but what an inventive campaign by this company to hire models to bring
their ads to life by hiring the actual models to go around and sit
near their ads. I know I will now start using less energy. Isn't
Chevon already preaching to the choir by putting this ad on mass
transit? Perhaps they should be targeting the thousands of millions
clogging up the highways in their Hummers.

Self-Portrait Treading Water

I took this picture of myself at work on Tuesday with my iPhone. It
shows the two stacks of folders I am working in the background. The
closer pile is due today. They constantly bring more folders while I'm
doing these folders-- some that are more overdue than the closer pile.
It never ends until you retire or die. I took the picture to send to
Shane who is traveling this week so he could see me treading water.

Roundup -- Incest Fashion, AIG, and Obama on Leno

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Other than making sure you have at least a bit of green on, I don’t really know anyone that actually does anything to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. I realize it is a good excuse to drink a few beers, but usually it being Tuesday is a good enough excuse to drink a few beers.

In actuality, I’m a quarter Irish. My origins are split up evenly four ways. However, I can never remember exactly how. I believe my mother’s side of the family is Scotch and Irish and my father’s side is English and Welch. Whatever the breakdown, I’m one Waspy guy.

On a totally new subject, I was reading the Express newspaper on the subway ride to work this morning and saw the story about Josef Fritzl. He is on trial in Austria for a variety of horrendous things: incest with his daughter that resulted in him fathering seven of her children, killing her 2-day old son, his daughter’s enslavement in his basement for years, etc. What struck me odd about the story was the mention of the fact that Fritzl wore a mismatched suit at his trial. Did Cojo, from Entertainment Tonight write this story? All the terrible stuff this guy did, and they had to add a crime of fashion.

Also on the front page of the Express was a story about all the outrage over the AIG bonuses. Of course, the only people in the entire world who think this is a good idea is the people getting the money. As a Federal employee, I get paid with taxpayer’s money, and I got to tell you, if they decided to give me a bonus, I would take it. Conversely, I also pay taxes, and I happen to know every dime I pay in taxes is going directly in AIG executives’ pockets.

I also saw in the paper that President Obama is going to be on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno Thursday night. The blurb says this is the first time a sitting president appeared on such a program. I immediately thought of Richard Nixon’s appearance on Laugh-In, saying, “Sock it to me?” That was played during the campaign in the fall of 1968, so he wasn’t yet a sitting president. I was only 7 years old, but I remember it. Damn, I’m old.

I’m not sure that appearing on the Tonight Show is such a good idea for the president. If he was going to be a talk show, he should have picked something a little more hip, like David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, Tyra, or perhaps Nightline. If he really wanted to connect with the American people and make a political statement, he should be a judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race. At any rate, you’d think he’d be too busy for talk shows at the moment. The Republicans are going to accuse him of being a celebrity again. That worked out so well for them before. Oh well. We should indulge him a bit and let him enjoy his popularity. I wonder who Dave will have on that night (it’s a rerun and will be delayed because of the basketball tournament).

New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest -- #185

"And when the fish realizes it isn't an actual worm,

it quickly lets go and I kick him to the shore."

This is the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest cartoon for this week. My caption for this cartoon is above. Let me know if you come up with a caption too. Click on the link above to enter.

The Real Harvey Milk -- Online for Free

Before Sean Penn won an Academy Award portraying Harvey Milk in the film Milk, the 1984 documentary The Times of Harvey Milk won an Academy Award for Best Documentary. I'm a little behind on my Netflix queue, but today Shane and I finally got around to watching that documentary, which had been sitting around the house for a couple weeks. Since the new film, Milk, was just released this past week, my plan was to first watch the documentary and then send it back and get the Sean Penn version on Blu-Ray. We haven't seen the new film yet, but we are very anxious to see it after watching the documentary. It was quite well done.

I highly recommend the documentary. Using local San Francisco television stories and personal interviews with people in Harvey's life and those affected by his life, it was a highly emotional story. Harvey's story is a reminder of both how far we have come in gaining gay civil rights (he was the first out elected official in the US) and how far we have to go. The work that Harvey did in defeating a ballot initiative to ban homosexuals from being teachers in California reflects the struggle we continue to fight today for gay marriage.

The good news is that you can watch the entire documentary for free on your computer by clicking here.

Blowing Up Virginia Bridges Set to Opera

The music is from the Barber of Seville by Rossini. This is a video produced by the Virginia Department of Transportation (VDOT) of bridges blowing up all around Virginia. I used to commute over the old Wilson Bridge (between Maryland and Virginia), which was destroyed in the making of this video. It is no wonder taxes are so high when they go around destroying bridges just to make YouTube videos.

Amazing Advertisement for a Bank in Argentina

I found this video on the Bilerico Project website (www.bilerico.com). There posting by Jeremy Bishop said it well.

A friend passed this Youtube posting of an Argentinian bank advertisement that is simply jaw-dropping and touching. What an interesting take for an advertisement - a bank being generous to you, makes you reconsider your own bigotry and lack of compassion. Wow and definitely worth the time it takes to view it.

Of Course There's a New Shuffle -- I Just Bought The Old Style

As you might recall from a previous post, I recently bought myself a brand new iPod Shuffle. It is a pretty, blue one. Naturally, within days, Apple launched a brand new Shuffle that has four times the memory (up to 1,000 songs) and is half the size. Oh, yes, and of course this Shuffle talks. It announces the names of the songs and the playlist. And another thing, you can have multiple playlists. I'm not buying the new Shuffle until I lose my new, blue Shuffle or accidentally wash it in the washer. They are going to have to wait a few more days to get more of my money. Apple can bite it.

Unless that is a very small key, I don't think this Shuffle is half the size of the old style Shuffle. How do they get a key to stand up like that anyway?