A Storm Is Gathering! Auntie Em! Auntie Em!

There was a storm gathering over the Potomac this morning. . . And I
was scared. There are hateful, bigoted or just plain ignorant people
that believe their imaginary friend, God, doesn't like the horrible
sin of loving someone of the same sex. They think it is OK to not
give these people the same rights as they have because it will change
the definition of a word. Dictionaries will gave to be changed, and
that is cumbersome.

There's a storm gathering and many people may get wet. The wind will
blow. The sky darkens. Baby Jesus cries. His followers don't get
that love thing he was all about. What if Jesus were a gay? He'd be
pissed. He'd want equal rights with all the sinners.

Maybe these deeply religious people should go to a storm shelter . . .
A deep hole in the ground and wait for the storm to pass. It looks
like a lenthy storm -- maybe several years. We'll let you know when
the storm passes. Take lots I'd supplies and you'll be fine. We'll
let you know when the blow is over.

Pat Robertson Talks about DHS Bowels

The Christian Broadcast Network (CBN) reacts to a report on right-wing activities released by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS). Feel free to call CBN's phone lines and tell them what you think. Every second they are talking to you is a second they can't get hold of some crazy old womans's Social Security. If you happen to jam up their phone lines, good for you!

CBN Main Switchboard (757) 226-7000
24-hour Prayer 1-800-759-0700
Shop CBN Product Ordering Questions (805) 549-2500

Miss California's Gay Flap

As you have likely heard, there has been a big hullabaloo over the answer Miss California, Carrie Prejean, gave in a question by Perez Hilton about marriage equality during the Miss USA pageant. There were several things about this that I found interesting.

I do think it took some guts for her to say what she said on national TV when asked the question by an openly gay man. The way she said it, though, was hardly coherent. She claimed the answer cost her the crown. It should have. Content aside, it was hardly an eloquent response. In addition, what a bitchy thing to say about the actual winner. I guess in Carrie's mind, Miss NC didn't deserve to win.

The sad thing about the clip, to me, was the crowd cheering her answer. Are they cheering her brave response? I don't think so. They are cheering that gays shouldn't have the right to marry. Why would anyone feel the need to cheer that? I understand the crowd that would go see a beauty pageant in this day and age is likely to be on the conservative side. However, I can't understand that they hate so much so that they feel the need to cheer the proposal that a group of humans shouldn't have a basic civil right. Maybe it is just my bias that everyone against gay marriage is against it because they are disgusted by homosexual acts. When will I understand they are just trying to save my soul?

Another thing. They still have beauty pageants? This was televised on the national TV? I had no idea it was even on. I have been known to watch a beauty pageant now and then, but usually to make catty remarks. These women must be a little embarrassed to parade around in their bathing suits being judged on their looks. The concept does seem to be fading away. It is all very JonBenet Ramsey.

Another another thing. What the hell was Perez Hilton doing there? The moment I heard those people cheering against marriage equality, I would have stood up and left the building. On second thought, maybe I would have stayed to make sure Carrie Prejean didn't win.

New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #190

I got my 401K statement 2 weeks ago, but I can't

seem to drum up the courage to actually open it.

The above is my entry for the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest for week #190. Let me know if you come up with a caption too. Mine is the sort of subtle humor the New Yorker is seeking, i.e. not that funny. Click on the link to enter your caption.

The above cartoon is from week #188. Below are the three captions chosen as the best submitted. My submission was, once again, not among them. Luckily, I'm not bitter.

"This song goes out to the one that got away." Submitted by Elisa Narsu, Basking Ridge, N.J.

"And every year they return to my piano to spawn and die." Submitted by Frank Bruno, Sacramento, Calif.

"Any requests before I tell you about tonight's specials?" Submitted by Brian Shuman, New York, N.Y.

My caption was, "Remember folks, this is a goldfish bar, so don't be koi." I know puns are the lowest form of humor, but I thought that was kind of funny.

Sunday Morning Run on the National Mall

I went for a run this morning (before I went to the Nats game) and took my iPhone with me. I made lots of stops for photos and here's a sample of what I saw. I start out at my house near Eastern Market on Capitol Hill. I run toward the Capitol and down onto the Mall. I stop and visit Abe at the other end of the Mall and run back home.

On the Mall running toward the Washington Monument.

The World War II Memorial


The reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial.

Looking back down toward the Washington

Monument in front of the Lincoln Memorial.

Climing the steps to see Mr. Lincoln. A group of children

on the right were singing the "Lullaby of Broadway."

The Lincoln Memorial

From the top of the steps at the Lincoln Memorial.

On the path going back toward the Capitol.

An Earth Day exhibit.

Preparing for the Earth Day Concert on the Mall.

The U.S. Capitol

Flowers outside the Botanic Gardens

More flowers

Lots of flowers were blooming. Some of the tulips were a bit past their prime.

More tulips

Still outside the Botanic Gardens

In front of the the Capitol

Getting ready to climb back up Capitol Hill

On Capitol Hill and heading for home.

The Nats Break Our Hearts. . . Again!

The game was neck and neck until the top of the ninth inning.  It was a tie score -- 4-4.  The Florida Marlins had the bases loaded and Cody Ross hit a bases clearing double.  The final score was 7-4... The Marlins came from behind and beat the Nationals for the third game in a row.  Below are some photos from the game.  

The Nats stretch before the game.

The National Anthem

One of several times the Nats had the bases load.  

George and Teddy mingle with the crowd.

The Nats let another one slip away.

Nats Update

Bottom of the 5th and the Nats are leading 2-1. They are playing the Florida Marlins, which came from behind to beat the Nats the last two games. We're hoping for the best.

At the Nats Game

The game just started and we're not losing yet. Yea!

Geranium Hat

I tried to take a self-portrait with my iPhone as sat out on our steps
enjoying the flowers I just planted. I also got a haircut today. I'm
ready for warm weather. I inadvertently made it look like I was
wearing a geranium hat.

Porch Geraniums

It was a beautiful spring day and I did a tiny bit of gardening. We
usually don't like to plant too many flowers before Mother's Day,
because it has proven too tempting in the past to some looking for a
gift for their mom.

Hypothetical Question -- Which One Food Would You Choose?

You suddenly become allergic to all food to the point of death. Your doctor tells you this is very expensive to cure. They can only afford medicine to allow you to eat one food. You must choose the one food that you will eat for the rest of your life. Eating any other food will cause a painful death. It can be any food because they would add the needed nutrients to whatever food you choose in a way that doesn't alter the taste. What is the one food you would choose to eat for the rest of your life?

For me, this would be an easy choice. It would be McDonald's Triple Thick Chocolate Milkshake. Is there anything sadder than hearing the slurp of the last bit of a McD's milkshake mixing with the air at the bottom of the cup as you desperately move the straw to suck every drop? I think I could happily eat nothing else for the rest of my life. I know they are bad for you, but I have to treat myself once in awhile.

In case you weren't sure how bad they are for you, Men's Health magazine recently did an article about the worst fast foods and they named the McDonald’s Large Triple Thick Chocolate Milkshake as the worst milkshake. The article went on to say you would be better off ordering two Quarter Pounders than downing this gut-busting shake. They suggest ordering the reduced-fat ice cream cones as a much, much healthier choice. Sorry. The cones don't compare to the heavenly goodness of the shakes.

Tell me what your one food would be to eat for the rest of your life?

Sometimes Being a Bitch Is All a Woman Has to Hang Onto

Judy Parfitt was amazing as Vera Donavon in the movie, Dolores Claiborne. This clip is a well-deserved tribute to her. This clip and many others are always available on the sidebar of this blog.

Weatherman Predicts High Pressure Front in his Pants

Though my sense of humor has not graduated the sixth grade, I really do feel bad for this guy. I love how he leaves the shot one way and has to franically run back the other. Check out Failblog.org for more examples of people being human.

Random Thoughts -- Teabaggers, Taxes, Chimp Photos, the Lottery, and Movies

Today, there will be a bunch of protests against taxation WITH representation. These people are basically just sore losers and whiny. I love how MSNBC constantly refers to them as teabaggers. The only people with a legitimate gripe are the people in DC who have to pay taxes and actually have no voting representation in the government.

Speaking of taxes, we already got our refund. Yea! I know Suze Orman would scold us for not having enough deductions and getting a healthy refund each year, but I think it is a good way for us to actually save some money.

I wonder how long before the National Enquirer or the Weekly World News or an organization of that caliber get hold of the sealed photos of the chimp victim. I bet they will be published somewhere eventually.

I’ve decided to stop buying lottery tickets. I know that someone has to win, but the odds are that it won’t be me. The odds are even lower now that I’m not playing. Take a look at the crowd at a baseball stadium, where there may be 20,000 people. Out of just that many people, what is the actual likelihood of being the one person out of all them to win something? Now, multiply all the people in that stadium by 4,000 baseball stadiums filled with 20,000 people.

I’m looking forward to Grey Gardens on HBO this weekend. It looks really good to me.

I haven’t been to the movies in weeks, and there isn’t any movies out that I’m interested in seeing. Doubt was the last one we saw. Since we got our 50-inch plasma TV, we enjoy staying home and watching movies. Milk is next on our Netflix, but I can never remember to send the discs back.

Burger King Ad Offensive ?

Burger King has a hot potato on its hands with its new whopper ad. According to the Associated Press, Mexico is protesting what it says is "a whopper of an insult."

An advertisement for Burger King's chili-flavored "Texican" burger that has run in Europe shows a small wrestler dressed in a cape resembling a Mexican flag. The wrestler teams up with a lanky American cowboy twice his height to illustrate the cross-border blend of flavors.

"The taste of Texas with a little spicy Mexican," a narrator's voice says.

It seems to me the ad is more of an insult to little people than Mexicans, but I also find the ad kinda gay. A cowboy answers an ad to live with a short professional wrestler. Nobody thought it would work out, but they seem to be living quite happily. They just need to add some small romantic touch, such as a hand on the thigh. Why not piss off the religious right while their at it and show a bedroom scene? The want ad does say one room.

New Yorker Cartoon Contest #189

The human porcupine gene is deeply recessive and very

rare, but I must warn you, when it does happen, the

births are quite painful and the children are not very popular.

Another Monday means another New Yorker Cartoon Contest. The caption under the cartoon is my very long entry. Click on the link above to enter your own caption. I'd love to hear some of your ideas.

The Endless Woods

In David McCullough's biography of John Adams, the author described Adam's wife, Abigail's trip from Boston to DC. He noted her description of the "endless woods" between Baltimore and Washington, meaning the last leg of the trip seemed endless and all there was to see was woods. The photo above was taken on the Baltimore-Washington Parkway, where there are still some woods left between the two cities. Even though I'm sure we ran into lots more traffic on our way to DC than Abigail had to endure, I'm sure we made much better time.

Easter Egg Rolling Backup

We ran into lots of traffic on our way back to DC after our Easter
celebration. We went to my sister's house about an hour north of
Baltimore.

Raising Chloe from the Dead, aka Heimliching My Dog

What better day than Easter to talk about a resurrection of sorts. Back in March, I posted the complete list of the 100 Facts about Me, and number 7 was that I performed the Heimlich Maneuver on my dog. The dog's name was Chloe and above is a watercolor of her that was done by my friend Elaine.

I got Chloe at an animal shelter in 1995 when she was about 4 months old. The incident took place during the second night I had her. It was in the middle of the night and I heard a noise that woke me up. I turned on the light and saw Chloe near my bed unconscious. I nudged her and she didn't wake up. I picked her up and she as limp as a rag.

I looked down her throat, but did not see anything. I stuck my finger down there deep and could feel something hard, but could not reach far enough to get a hold of it. I knew she had been chewing on a piece of rawhide, so I held her upside down and squeezed her stomach.

I was panicking at this point. I only had her for a few days, but I couldn't believe this was happening. Suddenly, out came the slimy rawhide and the next think I knew, she was looking at me and walking around like nothing happened. Needless to say, she never was given rawhide pieces to chew ever again.

Chloe lived 11 more years. We had to have her put to sleep in 2006, and as far as I know, she is still dead.

"He's Alive!" by Dolly Parton -- Happy Easter!

Although I'm an atheist, I do recognize good music and an amazing performance. This is one of my favorite Dolly tunes. This is from one of those country music awards shows in 1989. I remember seeing this live on TV and also remember seeing the shots of the audience after the song giving a prolonged standing ovation and close-ups of audience members wiping away tears. This version cuts off at the beginning of the ovation. I have to admit that the song gives me goosebumps. It is very theatrical.

Happy Easter!