New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #315

Never ever make a joke about his baby carrot.  

This is my idea for the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #315.  Let me know if you have any ideas for a caption too.

New Three Stooges Movie Looks Funny

What the Heck Is Wrong with Our Honda?

I took this video of the dashboard of our car, a 2005 Honda CR-V. For some reason the warning lights for the ABS, Traction Control System (an exclamation point in a triangle) and the VSA are all flashing like crazy. It doesn't happen all the time, but much of the time. It is as annoying as hell--especially at night.

We took it to a gas station to get the oil changed and they had no clue what the problem was. I think it must be a problem with the electrical system. Anyone ever see this problem before or know what the deal is? Please don't tell us it is going to cost us big bucks. It doesn't seem to affect how the car runs so far.

Maude Helps Celebrate Elaine's Birthday

We celebrated our friend Elaine's birthday tonight and Maude had to be in the middle of festivities. She has started straddling the arm of our recliner, which is not very lady-like. 

Poor Elaine probably isn't enjoying the view.

Blue Sponge Rerun--Frightened Rabbits

I posted this about 3 years ago and I still love this song. Time to start thinking about the holidays.

I just discovered this band -- the Frightened Rabbits -- and I love this song. There are some good lyrics -- "We can be best friends with the people we hate." I also love the background choir. There's not much video here... just music.

The full lyrics are below:

It's Christmas so we'll stop
It's on with the lights to warm the dark
It can cloak elsewhere
As the rot stops for today
Let the rot stop just for one day
Only good red eyes, red suits, and faces will radiate
And the cold will hide its face
Now the cold is turned away
We can be best friends with the people we hate
'Cause we've all got blood
And it's warmer than you think
Yeah it is warm and it is thick
We all breathe out clouds
We're built to give at least once each year
Now that's better than never I guess
And life might never get better than this
With the perfect excuse for out natures to change
And wear shiny clothes
Oh it's Christmas so press pause and we'll go

Oh it's Christmas so we'll stop
'Cause the wine on our breath puts the love in our tongues
So forget the names
I called you on Christmas Eve
In fact forget the entire year
Don't reflect just pretend and you won't feel scared
You won't feel a thing
'Cause it's all been tucked away
And once you're tucked in bed
You'll hold on to the day for the last few seconds
Your gray dull face is protected from the wind
And I'll protect you I promise I will
And the rest of our lives will be just like Christmas
With fewer toys
You're a good girl I'm a good boy
So I thought

Oh it's Christmas so we stopped
Were it not for the tick of the clock
And the spinning of the Earth in space
We could always be this way
And as we sleep at the fall of the day
In the room next door the tree lights brighten the rodents' eyes
And catches a glimpse of the dust beginning to rise

The next day life went back to its past self
The next day life went back to its past self
The next day life went back to its past self
The next day life went back to its past self

Can Rick Perry Save America for God + Christmas?

The above is the actual ad Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Perry ran claiming gays in the military are preventing kids from celebrating Christmas. How is this guy even still in the campaign? I would have thought there are three reasons he should have given up by now. (1) He named his ranch after the N word. (2) His debate performances are horrendous. (3) I can't remember the third thing.

I love Wolf Blitzer interviewing Gov. Perry in the clip below. I don't think he could make Perry look any dumber. The scary part is that this is a person running for President. He is dumber than George W. Bush.



Below are some humorous parodies about this ad.

Brokeback Republican

Clinton Delivers Landmark LGBT Rights Speech

To commemorate International Human Rights Day this weekend, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton delivered an historic speech in Geneva, Switzerland yesterday.  Below is an opinion piece by Jonathan Capehart from the Washington Post:

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton marked International Human Rights Day with a phenomenal speech in Geneva yesterday. Over the course of 30 minutes, Clinton delivered a blunt yet inspiring speech that took on all the myths and canards about homosexuality and lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered (LGBT) people. Her address earned her a standing ovation in the Palais des Nations and will endear her and the Obama administration to gay people around the world.

It is violation of human rights when people are beaten or killed because of their sexual orientation, or because they do not conform to cultural norms about how men and women should look or behave.  It is a violation of human rights when governments declare it illegal to be gay, or allow those who harm gay people to go unpunished.  It is a violation of human rights when lesbian or transgendered women are subjected to so-called corrective rape, or forcibly subjected to hormone treatments, or when people are murdered after public calls for violence toward gays, or when they are forced to flee their nations and seek asylum in other lands to save their lives.  And it is a violation of human rights when life-saving care is withheld from people because they are gay, or equal access to justice is denied to people because they are gay, or public spaces are out of bounds to people because they are gay.  No matter what we look like, where we come from, or who we are, we are all equally entitled to our human rights and dignity.

 Clinton slapped back the notion prevalent around the world, particularly in Africa, that homosexuality is an evil export from the Western Hemisphere. She called for “honest discussion” about the beliefs that “all gay people are pedophiles, that homosexuality is a disease that can be caught or cured, or that gays recruit others to become gay.” Beliefs that Clinton flat-out said “are simply not true.” But she added, “They are also unlikely to disappear if those who promote or accept them are dismissed out of hand rather than invited to share their fears and concerns. No one has ever abandoned a belief because he was forced to do so.”

Clinton also directly confronted those who would use their religious or cultural beliefs to validate their bigotry against LGBT people.

This is not unlike the justification offered for violent practices towards women like honor killings, widow burning, or female genital mutilation. Some people still defend those practices as part of a cultural tradition. But violence toward women isn't cultural; it's criminal. Likewise with slavery, what was once justified as sanctioned by God is now properly reviled as an unconscionable violation of human rights.

In each of these cases, we came to learn that no practice or tradition trumps the human rights that belong to all of us. And this holds true for inflicting violence on LGBT people, criminalizing their status or behavior, expelling them from their families and communities, or tacitly or explicitly accepting their killing.

Of course, it bears noting that rarely are cultural and religious traditions and teachings actually in conflict with the protection of human rights. Indeed, our religion and our culture are sources of compassion and inspiration toward our fellow human beings. It was not only those who’ve justified slavery who leaned on religion, it was also those who sought to abolish it. And let us keep in mind that our commitments to protect the freedom of religion and to defend the dignity of LGBT people emanate from a common source. For many of us, religious belief and practice is a vital source of meaning and identity, and fundamental to who we are as people. And likewise, for most of us, the bonds of love and family that we forge are also vital sources of meaning and identity. And caring for others is an expression of what it means to be fully human. It is because the human experience is universal that human rights are universal and cut across all religions and cultures.

The secretary talked about the power of the law to make things right -- even before society appears to be ready to embrace positive change. “In many places, including my own country, legal protections have preceded, not followed, broader recognition of rights,” she said. “Laws have a teaching effect.  Laws that discriminate validate other kinds of discrimination.  Laws that require equal protections reinforce the moral imperative of equality. And practically speaking, it is often the case that laws must change before fears about change dissipate.”

And then Clinton announced what the United States is doing to help protect the lives and respect the dignity of LGBT people around the world. A first-ever U.S. strategy to combat human rights abuses against LGBT around the world. President Obama “has directed all U.S. Government agencies engaged overseas to combat the criminalization of LGBT status and conduct, to enhance efforts to protect vulnerable LGBT refugees and asylum seekers, to ensure that our foreign assistance promotes the protection of LGBT rights, to enlist international organizations in the fight against discrimination, and to respond swiftly to abuses against LGBT persons.”

At an event over the weekend for the Velvet Foundation, which hopes to build a national museum about gender and sexual identity, there were t-shirts that read “Here I am” for sale. According to the foundation’s Web site, “‘Here I am’ is an invitation to all: See me, recognize me, and understand me as a person, regardless of how I define my gender and sexuality.” Clinton’s speech in Geneva and the administration’s moves are the clearest sign that the United States accepts such an invitation proudly and without reservation.

New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #314

Sorry pal, but deadly farts are not considered a legitimate super power.

This is my idea for the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #314.  Let me know if you have any ideas for a caption too.

Cyndi Lauper Benefit Concert-Awesome Night!

We went to see the Cyndi Lauper & Friends Home for the Holidays concert last night in New York City. It was an amazing night. We had 6th row seats, though they were on the side, we were still only feet away from some of the show.

The show started with Norah Jones coming out and singing and playing a couple of numbers on the piano. Then Cyndi came out and sang "Do You Love Me" with Harvey Fierstein from Fiddler on the Roof. It was great.

Carrson Kressley, from Queer Eye and Dancing with the Stars, emceed most of the night, and was very funny. He did a little dance with Kathy Najimy, who also did some hosting duties and told some jokes.

Highlights of the evening included Vanessa Carlton singing a new song, Alan Cumming singing a mash-up of Adele, Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry (see post below), and stand-up by Wanda Sykes. Clay Aiken did My Grown Up Christmas Wish

Cyndi also was amazing. She worked all night singing with Lou Reed, John Secada, Deluka (a British rock band) on She-Bop, a group version of Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Time after Time with Nona Hendryx, and a very moving finale of True Colors with a choir of LBGT Youth that put a face on who the benefit was all about.

The show was a benefit for the True Colors Fund, a non-profit organization founded by Cyndi to help homeless gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered youth. For more information and to donate, click here.

Inside the BeaconTheater just before the concert. 

From the Cyndi Lauper Benefit: Alan Cumming

I did not record this, but this was one of the highlights of last night's Cyndi Lauper and Friends Home for the Holidays benefit at the Beacon Theater in New York City. It was a mash up of Adele, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. Awesome!

Patti LuPone & Mandy Patinkin's Broadway Show

We saw Patti and Mandy on Broadway last night, and I have to say we were a little disappointed. It didn't knock my socks off like I was hoping.

The highlight of course was the two songs they did from Evita. Mandy did "What a Circus," which turned out to be the best performance of the night. He did an amazing job. Next, Patti's "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" was a bit anti-climatic. It was just OK.

Most of the show was scenes from other Broadway shows, some mildly familiar, some very obscure. Patti did do "Everything's Coming Up Roses" from Gypsy (her best moment by far), but much of the rest was uninspired caberet. Patti's voice seemed a bit strained, and like much of the audience, she had a bit of a cough.

I'm glad we got to see these Broadway legends, however, and we couldn't have asked for better seats--6th row back and dead center.

Shane Gets Mandy Patinkin's Autograph

After seeing An Evening with Patti LuPone and Mandy Patinkin, Mandy signs autographs, including for Shane. Patti, on the other hand, made a mad dash for the car and drove away to Connetticut.

Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center

Shane loves big Christmas trees and cold weather. He is in Heaven! Is he getting a chin dimple? Can you develop dimples in your 40s?

Arrived In NYC--Bed Bug Search Commences

Though Shane wasn't happy with some brownish-red stains on the mattress, which he has chosen to ignore, there were no signs of bed bugs! Yea!

Taking the Train to the Big Apple

Shane and I are taking at Amtrak train to New York City today. I'm actually posting this from the train. I didn't take the photo though. The free WiFi on the train is slow, but usable.

We have tickets to see An Evening with Patti Lupone and Mandy Patinkin tonight and tomorrow night we're seeing the Cyndi Lauper benefit concert I posted about previously. We are very excited about having an amazing weekend! More details to come...

Very Cool iPhone App: Star Walk

Star Walk is an amazing iPhone app that gives you an interactive guide to the sky. The app takes advantage of just about every aspect of the iPhone (touch, accelerometer, and even the magnetometer and digital compass in the 3GS) to make constellation searching and identification as easy as looking up.

When you first launch Star Walk, it will ask if it can use your current location to determine what you can theoretically see in the night sky. Additionally, Star Walk will show you things not visible at night due to light pollution, especially when living in DC. But what you can see, Star Walk can identify for you.

Even when you can't see the stars (like during the day), it shows you what is up there and even what is below the horizon. It is mesmerizing. I can hardly wait when we go back to Maine, because the star view at night is amazing. Light pollution is not a problem then.

Bachmann Walks the Talk about Gay Marriage

As reported in the Washington Post, Jane Schmidt, a student at Waverly High School, in Waverly, Iowa, recently asked Michele Bachmann, “Why can’t same-sex couples get married?”
“They can get married,” Bachmann responded, “but they abide by the same law as everyone else. They can marry a man if they’re a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they’re a man.”

She later expanded on this in a response to someone else: “Every American citizen has the right to avail themselves to marriage but they have to follow what the laws are. And the laws are you marry a person of the opposite sex.”

Obviously, Bachmann believes this mantra so whole heartedly that she lives it by being married for years to an obviously gay man. We may not agree with her politics, but you have to admire her conviction. 

Mall Shoppers Sing about Sitting on Santa

Another crazy musical by Improv Everywhere featuring the Jolly Old Elf in a New Jersey Shopping Mall.

The Biggest Loser Finale--Not the Biggest Loser

This is finally the last week of the Biggest Loser competition at work, and today was the final weigh-in. Ten of us are competing to lose the most weight for a 1st prize of $140, 2nd prize of $40, and 3rd prize of $20. My photoshopped results are above.

I did pretty bad during the last week. I gained 1.5 pounds for a final weight of 176 pounds. It was Thanksgiving and I just started running again after my marathon (I took a week off). Of course I was going to gain. My total weight loss since my first weigh-in on September 21 (with a starting weight of 189 lbs.) is 13 pounds. Though I did not reach my goal of losing 20 pounds, I still managed to come in second in the competition and won $40! That's something. I had been winning the whole time until slipping into second in the last week. Wahhhh Wahhh... I also haven't given up on losing those 7 pounds.

New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #313

Hey Woody... Moustache rides in the conference room in 5 minutes!

This is my idea for the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #313.  Let me know if you have any ideas for a caption too.

Time for a Haircut

I went to get a haircut today. I always have trouble describing how I want it cut, so I showed the stylist the photo below. 

Below is the result. I realize I don't look exactly like the guy above, but I was fairly happy with the cut. I think she took too much off the top though. It doesn't stick up in the front like his either. I have had worse though. Much worse. 

Top 10 Movies that Could Be Awesome Musicals

I recently read that the movie Ghost is coming to Broadway as a musical. It seems most musicals these days are based on movies. They've done Billy Elliot, Sister Act, Legally Blonde, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Mary Poppins (all Disney movies)... the list goes on and on. It got me thinking what other movies would be fun to make into musicals. Here are my top 10.

10. Sling Blade

9. Ernest Goes to Jail

8. The Birds

7. Jack and Jill

6. Forrest Gump (with the big hit song, "Life is Like a Box of Chocolates")

5. The Shawshank Redemption

4. Jaws

3. Cannonball Run

2. The Exorcist

and the number one movie to make into a musical is...

The Human Centipede--The Musical!

Decorated the Christmas Cactus

Maude lays on the couch with the cactus decorated for Christmas in the background.

GOD I'M GORGEOUS

This picture was taken after thanksgiving dinner at my sister's house. My sister and three nieces are the most caring, thoughtful, and inspiring women that I know. The following bible verse reminds me of them:

Proverbs 31:15-17

She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.  She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.  She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

Would Obama Drop Biden for VP Clinton?

I saw this on Joe. My. God., which links it from the Wall Street Journal, that speculates the following:

Paul Starr, co-editor of The American Prospect, a liberal-left magazine, has observed that 45 percent of the people who disapprove of Mr. Obama's performance view Mrs. Clinton favorably. It is fair to say that Mrs. Clinton's addition to the ticket would be a substantial gain for President Obama that he badly needs next November, since she is, as Mr. Starr notes, a member of the part of his administration that has the highest approval rating, and more important she has not at all been a part of the disastrous economic policies that have caused the Obama drop in popularity. 

Even better for Election Day, she would gain support among older white voters, who did not support Mr. Obama very much in 2008. Mr. Starr also cites a Suffolk University Florida poll that shows that Mrs. Clinton on the Obama ticket would win Florida for the two of them, even if Sen. Marco Rubio is the Republican's vice presidential candidate. One more advantage: With Mrs. Clinton comes her husband, who would very much want to get his wife elected, and also might be interested in a position in the Obama-Clinton administration.

It might be smart. I don't think anyone would miss Biden too much.

Happy "Be Thankful You're Not a Turkey" Day

The Biggest Loser Week #10--The Home Stretch

This is week #10 of the Biggest Loser competition at work. Ten of us are competing to lose the most weight for a 1st prize of $140, 2nd prize of $40, and 3rd prize of $20. My photoshopped results are above. My total weight loss since my first weigh-in on September 21 (with a starting weight of 189 lbs.) is 14.5 pounds.

There are only one more week left in the competition.This is the one week of the year nobody wants to think about losing weight. I'm happy that with all the carb loading I did before the marathon I still managed to lose a little weight. I'm just going to try to not go too crazy over the holiday and perhaps get back to some running. Happy Thanksgiving!

Launching a Child Via Air Mattress-Fail Blog

Sorry if you have to sit through an ad. I realize the child in this video probably was hurt, but it still made me laugh.

Wrap-Up from the Philadelphia Marathon

As I may have mentioned on this blog previously, this weekend I ran the Philadelphia Marathon. Three of my co-workers also ran the race. We all went out to dinner in Philly the night before the race at an Italian restaurant called Bella Cena. Most of us runners ate the linguini with grilled chicken. It was delish! We all had a blast. Above from left to right is Rassii (who I work with), Theresa, Aaron, Sara (who I work with and also cat sits for Maude), me, Stephanie (my boss) and her friend Gil. 

Originally, I had a hotel in Philly for two night, but I changed my mind and decided to stay with my Mom who lives a little more than an hour outside of the city. I drove to Philly on Saturday to pick up my race packet and have dinner with my co-workers. I drove to my Mom's Saturday night and back in to Philly early Sunday morning.

The race was supposed to start at 7 a.m., but was delayed a bit for some unknow security reason. In the 90 minutes I was in the city prior to the race beginning, I used one of the these portable johns three times, including a quick run out of the running corral after the starting gun.  It took my group about 18 minutes to get the starting line after the first runners started running. I managed not to have to stop during the race to go to the bathroom.



Stephanie, me, Sara, Rassii, and Theresa

I met up with my co-workers before the start. You might notice I'm holding my blue sponge in this shot. Sadly, when I took off my hat, gloves, and sweatshirt before the race, I lost my blue sponge. It was time for a new sponge anyway. The worst thing I forgot to do was use my nipple guards. I spent much of the run holding my shirt out away from my chaffed nips. 



 Behind me is the famous statue of Rocky in front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art wearing the official marathon shirt. 

This is me at the finish with the art museum in the background. My finish time, according to my chip, was 4 hours, 5 minutes and 43 seconds. Out of 10,082 runners that completed the race, I was 4,444th. Out of the 486 men in my age division (50-54), I was 215th. My average pace was 9 minutes and 22.4 seconds per mile. I completed the half marathon in 1 hour, 57 minutes and 48 seconds, but could not keep up that pace in the second half, though I did not walk except to get water/gatorade at the drink stations along the way. I tried not to walk much when I did that--usually less than 30 seconds or so. I also did stop once briefly at an aid station to get a band-aid for my nip. It didn't stay on long though.

This marathon was a personal record for my fastest marathon. I have run each one a little faster so far. The last one I ran was the Marine Corp in October of 2008, which I ran in 4 hours, 22 minutes and 32 seconds. I improved on that one by 17 minutes and 11 seconds. Although I did not make my goal of running a marathon in under 4 hours, I am going to give it another try. I am set to run the Miami Marathon at the end of January 2012. Maybe I can be a sub-4-hour marathoner then.

Just Finished the Philly Marathon!

It took a little over 4 hours and I forgot my nipple guards. More later.

Moving Toward the Start

With Some Co-Workers Before the Race

Just Before the Philly Marathon

At the Rocky statue.

Getting My Packet at the Philly Marathon Expo

Philadelphia Marathon Weekend Begins

The Philadelphia Marathon starting Line from a past year.

The Philadelphia Marathon is this Sunday at 7 a.m., and I'm running it. I think I'm ready, but I'm feeling a bit nervous. My goal is to run the race in under 4 hours and to run the entire 26.2 mile distance. I previously ran the Marine Corps Marathon in Virginia and DC in 2008 in 4 hours, 22 minutes, 32 seconds. At the very least, I want to improve on that time.

The weather forecast for Sunday is pretty good. Though it is supposed to be cloudy, the high for the day is expected to be in the low 60s (F). However, the temperature in the early morning is likely to be in the low 40s. It could have been a lot worse considering a few weeks ago we had a snow storm.

The race automatically updates the progress (of runners that sign up) for the service by sending text messages, e-mails, and Facebook or Twitter updates. Of course I signed up and added my Twitter feed to this blog. I also plan on taking my iPhone along and blogging during the race. That's the plan, so stayed tuned to see how I do. Wish me luck!

New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #311

It can't be my turn to change the litter pan again.

This is my idea for the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest #311.  Let me know if you have any ideas for a caption too.

Biggest Loser Week #9--A Little Heavier

This is week #9 of the Biggest Loser competition at work. Ten of us are competing to lose the most weight for a 1st prize of $140, 2nd prize of $40, and 3rd prize of $20. My photoshopped results are above. My total weight loss since my first weigh-in on September 21 (with a starting weight of 189 lbs.) is 13 pounds.

There are only two more weeks left in the competition.This Sunday I am running the Philadelphia Marathon, so there will be carb loading. This is the first week I've gained weight, but it is no surprise considering I've been lowering my the number of miles I run prior to the marathon and eating (weigh) too much. I'm happy I only gained half a pound. I still want to be in the 160s, but it is going to be difficult to lose 7 pounds in a 2 week period that includes Thanksgiving.

Streep Needs to Make Room for Another Oscar

Meryl Streep is likely to have to make lots of room in her trophy case come this award season.

Where In the World Is Shane This Time?

Shane is traveling on business once again. He took this photo of the Capitol building tonight near where he is staying.  He said the soap in his room said this place is the smallest U.S. State capital. I'm not sure if it means the building or the population of the city, but soap doesn't lie. Can you guess where Shane is?

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

We drove home from New York City today.  This photo is from yesterday when we were walking around. Behind the scaffolding is the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center, which they are in the process of decorating.  We've got another trip back to the city the weekend after Thanksgiving weekend.  We plan on revisiting to see the final product then. Yes, that is a Zamboni on the ice rink.

We Saw a Matinee of Chinglish on Broadway

We got great tickets to a matinee of a Broadway play called Chinglish at TKTS--the half price ticket booth in Times Square. It was a comedy about an American businessman working in China. It was recommended by Time Out New York magazine, and we both really liked it. We're having a great weekend! Tonight we're meeting an old friend of Shane's and his wife for dinner.

Is There Anything Better than Room Service?

Because we had to change rooms due to a bed malfunction, the hotel gave us $100 credit to spend. We decided to order breakfast in the room this morning. I had pancakes and Shane got eggs and bacon. It was amazing! With tips and fees, it came to a grand total of $90! It is a luxury we would never normally do if we had to pay. I have to say it was very nice. I could get used to this.

Shane Conducts New York City Hotel Bedbug Search

It passed, but we broke the bed frame. Ooops.

Toll for Holland Tunnel Up to $12

Tolls to drive back and forth to New York make the train look more affordable. Just the tunnel is $12. There are about seven other tolls required between DC and New York, including the entire New Jersey Turnpike! The you have to park the damn car.

Not Being Able to Remember that 3rd Thing Now Called "Pulling a Perry"

I'm not sure the Letterman appearance helps make him look presidential.

Biggest Loser Week #8--A Little Lighter

This is week #8 of the Biggest Loser competition at work. Ten of us are competing to lose the most weight for a 1st prize of $140, 2nd prize of $40, and 3rd prize of $20. My photoshopped results are above. My total weight loss since my first weigh-in on September 21 (with a starting weight of 189 lbs.) is 13.5 pounds.

There are three more weeks left in the competition. In that time, I am running the Philadelphia Marathon and eating Thanksgiving Dinner. My goal is 6.5 more pounds. I only lost half a pound this week, so I need to pick up the pace a bit to make my goal. To make things complicated, I'm going to have to carb load again prior to the marathon. On the other hand, I am running a marathon. Time will tell.