The Washington Post Style Invitational Week 805

Below is the challenge from The Washington Post's "Style Invitational." Each week, the Post has a contest of it's readers' wits. This is this week's contest.

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By the Empress

(Graphic by Bob Staake for The Washington Post)

1. A bad name for a new beauty product.
2. A bad name for a new Web site.
3. A bad name for a new candy bar.
4. A bad name for a new college.
5. A bad name for a new fast-food restaurant.

This week: Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). It's easy to write entries for a contest like this -- writing good entries is another story -- and when we did the same contest 11 years ago with different categories, we got a reported 40,000 entries. That's too many for one Empress to judge. So: No more than 10 entries per category. If you send more, we'll just stop reading after the 10th.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a vintage roll of toilet paper with pictures of Jimmy Carter on it, courtesy of the otherwise courteous and dignified Loser Beverley Sharp.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week.

Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 2. Put "Week 805" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published [in the Washington Post] March 21. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.

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Below are my submissions to this contest.

A bad name for a new beauty product: Ernest Borgnine Scented Face Mask Cream

A bad name for a new candy bar: Tiger's Wood

A bad name for a new candy bar: Candy Corn Holes

A bad name for new college: The Ann Coulter Charm School